She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
