so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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