I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
