I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
