so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
