Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I intend to get homeless drunk
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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