I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
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