Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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