my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
