Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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