Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
