Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
