Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
