I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
