why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
