i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
