hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
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