flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
