i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
