I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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