Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
