you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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