how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
