My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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