you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
