If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
