the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I am available for nakedness
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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