I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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