I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize