didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
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