she looked like the bat from fern gully.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
