Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
