I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
