On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
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