I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
