Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
