Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
