He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
