I just pynch a tree in the face
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
