I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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