I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
