yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
