I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
