i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
