I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
