I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
