well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
