We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
The cops high fived after they tackled you
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
