my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
3 2 1 whiskey
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
