so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
