I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
