What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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