My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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