I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
