I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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