Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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