Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
