if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
