Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
