i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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