She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
