do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
it's not cheating when I paid for it
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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