Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
