Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Randomize
