Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
FUCK WHALES
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