Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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