Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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