You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
worst night to have a conscience
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
