My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
