is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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