Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
