There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
