...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
