Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
