Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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