I wanna bring you to show and tell
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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