a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
