what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
