dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
If I die, sorry about rent.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
