i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
