just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
