My liver just broke up with me...
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
