Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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