I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
