I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
