I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Actions speak louder than pants.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
