How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
