So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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