I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Sext me about skeletons
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
