this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
