You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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